Men on a Middle Earthian Mission
by Soyotome
Summary: (previously The Great Guy Rebellion of Middle-Earth) The guys of regular Earth have had it up to here with the girls disappearing into Middle-Earth, and have decided to do something about it! MEN in Middle-Earth, what a concept. Update! Ch. 8! Glee!
1. To.....THE INTERNET!!

Wow, I seriously can't stop starting fics! ARGGGG make it stop!! Okay, anyyway.  
  
After seeing millions and millions (okay, overexageration) of Girls-End-Up-In-Middle-Earth fics, usually ending up as GIrl-Gets-Hunka-Hunka-Burnin-Love-LOTR-Character....I wondered what the GUYS of good ol' plain earth are thinking. And I decided they would be MAD if all the girls were being sucked into Middle-Earth and then stolen by Hobbits and Elves and whatnot!   
Soo....join Brad, Cameron, Chris, and Tyler as they Rage Against The LOTR and storm Middle-Earth!!  
(BTW, don't own LOTR....or even Brad, Cameron, Chris or Tyler as they are take-offs on real people...names changed, of course)  
  
  
THE GREAT GUY RAMPAGE AND REBELLION!!!  
  
  
"Well, there goes another one." Brad said morosely as a loud scream was heard from the girl's bathroom, denoting another girl sucked into Middle-earth by way of swirlie.   
  
"Will they ever STOP? Half the student body is already gone…." Chris said over the sound of frantic flushing now present- other girls trying to get sucked in the same way.  
  
"Damn that Legolas." Cameron muttered. "And that Frodo…and that Aragorn…and that Pippin…and hell, damn them all!"  
  
"Almost all the girls have gotten zapped into Middle-earth since December!" Tyler added. "Including our GIRLFRIENDS. There's no telling how they're terrorizing the poor citizens of Middle-earth…."  
  
"Don't think about them, think about US." Cameron pointed out. "There are no girls left…ANYWHERE! And it's all THEIR faults." He said, gesturing vaguely to the girls bathroom and the Middle-earthen toilets of DOOM.  
  
"We should DO something!" Brad joined in emphatically. "We should take a stand! Rise up against the hobbits who are taking our girls!"  
  
Brad received quite a few odd stares from random passers-by at this declaration, but his three friends nodded vigorously.  
  
"Okay, so we'll go to Middle-earth and bring back all the girls, and maybe teach the Ultra-Handsome ones and co. a few lessons…." Cameron cackled evilly.  
  
"YEAH!"  
  
"Let's storm Middle-earth!"  
  
"WHOO! Power to US!"  
  
"Uh, guys…." Chris spoke up. "First, we need to GET to Middle Earth…."  
  
"Oh yeah…" And suddenly a damper was put over the boys' master plan.  
  
"But hey, I mean, it can't be TOO hard. There are thousands of cases of people getting pulled there!"  
  
"Yeah, but that was only to girls." Tyler pointed out.  
  
"Oh yeah." Another damper dropped on top of them.  
  
"Okay, here's what we do! First, we make a list of all the ways people have gotten to Middle-earth!" Brad said.  
  
"And how do we go about that? The only way girls have gotten there around here is through the toilet and by eating cafeteria food…..." Tyler trailed off.  
  
There was a long pause as the boys considered, then unanimously shuddered.  
  
"Not going there…." Cameron said, still involuntarily shuddering.  
  
"As I was saaaaying…" Brad broke in. "If we look at fanfiction.net we'll find about seven-hundred ways to get into Middle-earth. All tested and all successful!"  
  
"Okay! To…….the INTERNET!!!" Cameron declared triumphantly, and the boys rushed off in a mad stampede towards the high-school library.  
  
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Yes, oh the sadness of short chapters. Others will be longer, as this is only a prolouge. There's no telling what crazy, hormone-ridden boys will do when they GET to Middle-Earth! MUAAH!!! 


	2. Eenie, meanie, minie, mo...

Muahahaha. See the guys try and get to Middle-Earth. See them fail. Muahahha! See me try and be funny while I make them fail. Watch me say (ONCE again) that I own noooooothing.   
  
  
  
THE GREAT GUY REBELLION OF MIDDLE-EARTH!!  
  
  
Within one hour, the dynamic…uh….group of four guys...had put together a list of ways girls had gotten into Middle-Earth that was extremely long. They were ready to put these time-tested methods to the test…again.  
  
"Okay. Number one." Brad read off the list. "Get magically zapped there."  
  
The four boys stood. And stood. And stood some more. And stood for a very long amount of time. Finally…  
  
"Okay, this isn't working." Cameron pointed out.  
  
"Let's move on to number two…" Brad said. "Fall asleep and magically wake up there."  
  
"But I'm not tired." Tyler objected.   
  
"And I don't think that one will work out any better either." Chris said.  
  
"All right, all right, number three then. Jumping through a vortex."  
  
"Jumping….through… a vortex?" Tyler asked. "I don't remember reading that one."  
  
"It's only the most common." Cameron said. "Where do we find a….vortex?"  
  
"Well, the girls always seem to somehow know exactly where it is." Brad said.  
  
"Oh, THAT helps." Cameron said sarcastically.  
  
"Does if you're a girl."  
  
"Are you CALLING me a girl?"  
  
"Hey, play nice." Tyler called, shoving the two guys apart. "Let's forget the vortex thing, huh?"  
  
Brad scanned down the list. "Number four…"he announced, "is getting pulled through a computer screen."  
  
"We were just ON a computer." Chris pointed out.  
  
"Care to go bang your head against it to see if it works?" Cameron suggested wickedly.  
  
"Ah hah. Ah hah. Funny." Chris said.  
  
"MOVING on…" Brad said pointedly. "Fifth way of getting to Middle-earth is….getting dragged there by a friend."  
  
"Um…WHAT?" Tyler asked. "How does that help?"  
  
"Well…it doesn't. Unless you have a friend who can use one of the aforementioned four ways to get there…"  
  
"Just go to number six…." Chris said hurriedly.  
  
"Number six is…." Brad squinted at the paper. "Um..number six is…"  
  
"Having trouble reading there?" Chris asked.  
  
"Noooo. Just this one is really….strange."  
  
"Just READ it." Cameron said.  
  
"Okay. Number six is…getting Dorothy's shoes from the Wizard of Oz and wishing yourself there."  
  
The three boys stared at Brad and his list, google-eyed.  
  
"I TOLD you…" Brad said.  
  
"Let's try seven….." Tyler said, eyeing the paper as though it was going to give him a strange disease.  
  
"This REALLY isn't working, is it?" Chris asked.  
  
"NUMBER seven…" Brad interrupted, "is: finding the One Ring in a drain, putting it one and instantly getting transported there."  
  
"Oh sure. Like the One Ring hangs around in gutters. These are getting unbelievably far-fetched." Cameron objected.  
  
"Well, this one isn't so bad." Brad said, looking down at his list.   
  
"Fire away." Tyler said.  
  
"On second thought….it is. Number eight is getting knocked unconscious and then waking up there."  
  
"I'll do the honors!" Cameron instantly volunteered.  
  
"Nuh uh. I think not." Chris said. "I really don't want to be punched by you, thank you very much."  
  
"Fine." Cameron pouted. "What's number nine?"  
  
"Nine…" Brad scanned the list to find his place, "is getting in a car crash, getting knocked unconscious, and THEN waking up there."  
  
"I'LL DRIVE!" Cameron hollered.  
  
"No you bloody well won't!" Tyler said. "What with all the unconscious stuff?"  
  
"It's a girl thing. They REALLY like to get knocked unconscious." Chris said.  
  
"Hey, number ten actually sounds SANE." Brad said brightly.  
  
"Really?" Tyler asked, holding his keys away from the over-exuberant Cameron.  
  
"Yep. Basically writing yourself there. Self-insertion fic." Brad said.  
  
"Hey, that DOES sound sane. At least we won't get DISMEMBERED trying to do it." Tyler said, glaring pointedly at Cameron.  
  
"All right. Back…to the COMPUTER!!" the boys hollered, and rampaged back to the school library.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Yeah, enough prolonging the attack on LOTR characters. They WILL get there next chapter. And apologizes if someone gets offeneded at "The List." I scouted around ff.net for Girls-Into-Middle-Earth fics to get ideas. Don't hurt meeeeeeee! *whimper* 


	3. The Terrors of Ty-lob

FINALLY another chapter here. And sadly....they're not quite in Middle-Earth yet. I am the MASTER at drawing things out! Beware!  
In case it isn't blatantly clear already, this is a parody of all the girls-into-Middle-Earth fics. Meant to be joking, so no need for anyone to get offended. =^-~=  
AAAAAND again, no own LOTR. Or even these four guys. Not at all.  
  
  
  
THE GREAT GUY REBELLION OF MIDDLE-EARTH!!  
  
The four boys now sat around one of the standard desecrated library tables, whittled with the cryptic messages of the ages. Er…not really.  
  
"So…..we…..write." Chris said, scratching his neck. He'd never been strong on the writing thing.  
  
"Yes, we….write." Brad said, elbowing him. "Honestly, it's not THAT hard."  
  
"Fine, you write." Tyler said. "Get us into Middle-Earth."  
  
"Ooookay." Brad said, pulling a piece of paper towards himself. He tapped a pencil against it a few times, while the other boys waited expectantly.  
  
"Don't WATCH." Brad said possessively, pulling the paper closer to himself.  
  
"Oh, just get on with it." Cameron said. After a few more pencil taps, he grabbed a new piece of paper himself. "I'LL do it."  
  
He bent over the piece of paper, and wrote something in a scribbly hand. The other boys looked at Cameron, looked at each other, then shrugged and waited for him to finish.  
  
"Voila." Cameron said, presenting the paper with a flourish. The boys leant in to read:  
  
~One very average day, a normal guy named Chris fell asleep during Mr. Carlson's chemistry lecture~  
  
"Which already happened today, by the way." Chris added helpfully.  
  
"Are you going to read the rest of it?" Cameron asked.  
  
"Touchy, touchy." Chris said, and leaned in to read the rest.  
  
~When Chris awoke from his chemical-induced (so to speak) sleep, he realized he was not in a classroom anymore. He was in…..a FOREST!!~  
  
"Why such a dramatic…..FOREST?" Tyler asked.  
  
Cameron only shot him death glares, and he fell back to reading.  
  
~Chris looked around, and saw that not only were his surroundings different, but he was different as well. Instead of the normal-sized guy he'd always been, he was now a diminutive hirsute creature, also known as….a hobbit.~  
  
"You made Chris a HOBBIT?" Tyler said, sniggering. "Why don't I hear HIM objecting?"  
  
"Because he's not here anymore." Brad observed, pointing to the empty chair that previously had held Chris.  
  
"Whoa." Tyler said, staring at the emptiness. "It really DID work."  
  
"That, or Chris is hiding under the table." Brad said. He checked. "Nope."  
  
"All right, I'll write you in next, Tyler." Cameron said, starting to put the pencil to the paper.  
  
"Oh no you DON'T." Tyler exclaimed, yanking the paper away. "You're going to make me something unspeakable. Write so we can SEE."  
  
"Fine…fine." Cameron sighed, his brilliant plan of turning Tyler into Shelob thwarted. On second thought, that might have been a bad idea to begin with, seeing as a Ty-lob could easily take revenge in such a form…..  
  
Cameron began to write again, and Tyler scrutinized what went down on paper.   
  
~Not long after, in a classroom far, far away…..~  
  
"No comments from the peanut gallery." Cameron said as Tyler opened his mouth to say something. Tyler edged away but continued to read.  
  
~Another normal guy named Tyler~  
  
"Why are we all so blatantly normal?" Brad asked.  
  
"I have no idea." Cameron said. "Can you guys just read it already?"  
  
~was in the dreaded P.E. gym, playing soccer. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the soccer ball came flying and struck Tyler on the head, rendering him unconscious.~  
  
"Oh come on, I can play soccer better than THAT." Tyler said. "I'm reading, I'm reading!" He added as a safe-guard.  
  
~When Tyler regained consciousness he was also in……A FOREST!! The same…..FOREST, in fact, that the newly-Hobbit-morphed Chris was presently in.~  
  
Instantly, Tyler disappeared from his chair. There was a slight nose as air rushed in to fill the missing space.  
  
"You aren't turning ME into anything strange either." Brad said once he had stared in wonder at the empty area for a while.  
  
"You mean, you DON'T want to be a hobbit?" Cameron asked in mock surprise.  
  
"Ah hah. Ah hah. Not really." Brad said. "I'm short enough already."  
  
"Fine, fine. You spoil all my fun." Cameron pouted, once again taking the pencil to the paper to write Brad into Middle-Earth. When he was done, he heard the slight in-rushing of air, and found himself sitting alone at the table.  
  
He looked around the library for a second, finding it amazing that none of the occupants had noticed the spontaneous Middle-Earth-izising of his three friends. The fact was, they were so used to girls randomly getting sucked into the land of Tolkien that anyone's disappearance was simply the norm. Cameron shrugged and began to write his own entrance.  
  
As soon as his pencil added the last period to the last sentence, the library seemed to melt away before Cameron's eyes. When his eyes adjusted to the new environment, he jerked back in surprise.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
SUSPENSE....DUN DUN DUNNNN!!! WHERE has Cameron ended up? Oh my goodness, the suspense is just palpable. New chapter up....soon. Muahha. 


	4. Middle-Earth Location Toggling For Dummi...

Wuahah, FINALLY I can update. Anyway, I have no idea why i made htem able to choose where they end up...I was trying to be creative and it didn't work out too well. At least they're going to finally BE in Middle-Earth now...well, kind of. I'll shut up now and get on with the fic. STILL DON'T OWN ANYTHING! (With the exception of 'Middle-Earth Location Toggling for Dummies')  
  
  
  
It sure didn't look like Middle-Earth. It didn't look much like the high-school library, either. In fact, it didn't look like much of anything. The place where Cameron was now was….gray. Gray and filled with nothing.   
  
Cameron looked around, trying to spot SOMETHING. His eyes alighted on three figures, silhouetted against all the gray.  
  
"Hellooo?" he called tentatively, hoping it was his friends. The figures turned towards him.  
  
"Cameron?" one of them called.  
  
"Oh good." Cameron said, and hurried over to them. When he got there, his legs were instantly attacked by a furious tiny something, which immediately knocked him over.  
  
"GAH!" Cameron shouted, landing hard on his back. Tyler and Brad instantly leapt to and pulled the furious hostile thing off of him. "CHRIS!!"  
  
Chris, now around three and a half feet tall, with over-large hairy feet, glowered at Cameron as Tyler and Brad restrained him.  
  
"You. Made. Me. A. HOBBIT!" he growled angrily.   
  
"Purely an accident, I assure you." Cameron said, recovering himself and scrambling to his feet.  
  
"Purely an accident my-" Chris made another lunge for Cameron, and was stopped only at the last moment by Tyler pouncing on him and nearly squashing him flat.  
  
"Can we stop pointing fingers and try to figure out where in heck we ARE?" Brad suggested as Tyler got hastily off of the severely squashed Chris.   
  
"I thought you supposedly wrote us into a forest." Tyler said.  
  
"I did." Cameron said.  
  
"This isn't a forest." Brad pointed out.  
  
"Good powers of observation." Cameron said. "So…where are we, then?"  
  
"Not really anywhere." Brad said, gesturing around. "Are we supposed to…do something?"  
  
The rest of the boys all shrugged.  
  
"Maybe you did something wrong." Tyler suggested to Cameron.  
  
"I don't think- hey, what's that?" Cameron interrupted his own sentence and pointed at something that had just appeared a distance away in the gray nothingness. It looked like a bright speck of white, hanging in mid-air.  
  
"Let's go see." Tyler suggested, and since there was really nothing else TO do, the other boys readily agreed. They trekked off towards the light, Chris somewhat lagging behind and still glowering angrily.  
  
As the four boys reached the amorphous levitating light, they saw it was more like a dozen amorphous, levitating lights.  
  
"What the hell are THESE?" Cameron wondered, reaching out to poke one. Before he could do so, a speeding yellow object suddenly careened out of the air above him, and landed loudly on his head. Cameron promptly fell over again.  
  
"Ow…" He complained from his new position on the ground. Brad, meanwhile, had picked up the yellow object, which was now more clearly recognizable as a book.  
  
"'Middle-Earth Location Toggling for Dummies.'" Brad read off the cover. He looked up. "What does THAT mean?"   
  
"Open it." Tyler suggested, moving over to look at the book too. Chris followed, but Cameron preferred to lay piteously on the ground, rubbing his injured head.  
  
Brad thumbed through the first two pages of the book, not giving Tyler or Chris a chance to read it.  
  
"Hey, apparently we get to choose where we go." He said after a bit.  
  
"Huh?" Tyler and Chris both asked.  
  
"As in, we can choose what point in the quest we get to drop into." Brad said,  
  
"Why?" Cameron asked from the ground.   
  
"Don't know." Brad said. "Maybe girls get to choose too."  
  
"Or maybe it's because we're NOT girls that we get to choose." Tyler said. "That would make sense. In…a purely abstract and random way."  
  
"So, how do we get to choose?" Chris asked.  
  
"Through these floating things here." Brad said, gesturing to the lights but still looking at the book. "Each of them goes to a different time in the Fellowship. We just pick one and….we're there."  
  
"That's…odd." Tyler said. "So, which one are we picking?"  
  
"Which one is the most likely to have all the girls in it?" Chris asked.  
  
"Rivendell." Brad promptly replied.  
  
"How do you know?" Cameron asked, finally climbing up off the ground.  
  
"Haven't you seen all those stories where the girls fall into the council of Elrond? Or wake up on the same day as Frodo wakes up? It's got to be Rivendell." Brad said.  
  
"Right. I forgot about all of those." Tyler said. "All right then, which floaty light thing is Rivendell?"  
  
"I don't know. Look at them."  
  
"LOOK at them?" Tyler echoed.  
  
"Yes…." Brad said. "According to this you should be able to see what's going on in them."  
  
Tyler leaned in close to one of the shapeless glows.  
  
"Oh, hey, I do see something." He said. "Looks like….Moria, or something."  
  
Brad and Cameron then commenced squinting at the circles, seeing if they could find something that looked like Rivendell. Chris hopped up and down ineffectually, now being to short to reach them.  
  
"Okay, I found it!" Cameron finally said, pointing at one of the lights." So, what do we do?"  
  
"Hold on, let me look…" Brad said, heading for the book. Before he even opened it, Cameron stuck his hand directly into the middle of the glow. Suddenly, there was a brilliant flash of light, and in the next moment the four boys fell onto a hard surface in a tangled heap, now finally in Middle-Earth.  
  
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Yes, they are finally THERE!! TOOK long enough...anway. Another chapter.....someday. Most likely after school ends (FRIDAY AAAAaarrrgggggg). 


	5. A Very Startled Council Of Elrond

Gahhh.this is a short chapter, but I REALLY wanted to update this story. I haven't forgotten it, I have large plans for it. *evil chuckle* Anyway, sorry about the length of it, this dumb story is just CRAWLING along, but I promise the next chapter will be LONGER! And BETTER! Disclaimer: Don't own LotR or anything associated with it. Don't even own Cameron, Brad, Tyler or Chris as they are take-offs of guys I really know. This is a blatant satirical stab at 'girls-into-Middle-Earth-fics' (if that wasn't already really apparent) so don't hurt me if you've written one. ^_^  
  
  
  
THE GREAT GUY REBELLION OF MIDDLE-EARTH!! (The title I now really hate)  
  
Cameron's right shoulder connected abruptly with an extremely hard surface. Before he had time to shout with the unexpected pain, Brad, Tyler and Chris landed on him. After many eye-jabbings, kickings, slappings and yellings, the four boys got themselves disentangled, and finally noticed the audience that had been watching their odd antics in drop-jawed amazement.  
  
"Council of Elrond, Council of Elrond," Brad wheezed from the ground (Tyler had just knee-ed him in the stomach), "and it's movie-verse."  
  
The four boys all stood up rather awkwardly, staring around at the very obvious movie-verseness of the scene. The assorted Elves, Hobbits, Dwarves, and Gandalf (all right, so Gandalf can't exactly be 'assorted'.) were still staring wordlessly at them. The Fellowship of Nine was already gathered at one corner of the platform.  
  
"Say something, ass." Tyler whispered harshly to Cameron.  
  
"Me? Why it is MY duty to do all this STUFF? YOU say something." Cameron countered.  
  
"As the only one of us who MAY HAVE ACTUALLY READ THE BOOKS," Brad began. "I'LL do it." He turned to the dark-haired Elf who was, naturally, Elrond.  
  
"Uh, Lord Elrond! Hi.."  
  
"Very articulate, Oh-One-Who-Has-Read-The-Books." Chris muttered.  
  
"Oh shut up." Brad muttered.  
  
"Who ARE you?" Elrond finally spoke, startling the boys. "Where did you COME from?"  
  
"Well. we're humans, from Earth." Brad said. "And we got sucked into Middle- Earth."  
  
"On purpose." Tyler added helpfully, causing Chris to stomp on his foot.  
  
Elrond blinked in over-exaggerated surprise at them.  
  
"But." he said slowly, seeming to be unable to comprehend something. "You..aren't female."  
  
The boys looked in surprise at each other.  
  
"No, we're not." Cameron clarified.  
  
A murmuring ran around the assembled council. Brad suddenly got it.  
  
"It's only ever girls who fall in, of course!" He said. "They wouldn't be so surprised if we were girls."  
  
"You mean we really ARE the first guys to fall into Middle-Earth?' Tyler asked.  
  
"As far as I know..."  
  
"That's scary." Cameron said. "So all right.where ARE all the girls?"  
  
"The come and go as they please." Elrond said, shuddering. "And they're always brought to ME! Why must I be tormented so?"  
  
"We don't know, but we're here to try and get at least four of them back." Cameron said.  
  
"Only four?" Elrond asked. "Are you certain you cannot take more?"  
  
"We don't want more." Tyler said. "Four's enough."  
  
"How do you know you will find the four you're looking for?" Elrond asked.  
  
"I think it will turn out." Chris said. Elrond suddenly turned to look at him.  
  
"But you are a Hobbit." He pointed out. Chris's eye twitched dangerously, and Tyler grabbed the back of his shirt to keep him from flying at Elrond.  
  
"Don't mention that to him." Brad whispered to the Elven lord.  
  
"Ah." Elrond said, edging away from Chris. Suddenly, Legolas took a step forward.  
  
"Are you truly saying you will rid us of some of the omnipresent girls who appear and disappear at will?" he asked.  
  
"Well, we're going to try." Brad said. At this, Legolas, Frodo and Aragorn all exchanged excited looks.  
  
"Unfortunately, none of them are here in Rivendell at this moment." Elrond said. "And the quest to destroy the One Ring cannot be cast aside, and since they will always follow the Fellowship.."  
  
"OH no." Brad said.  
  
"What?" Tyler and Chris asked together.  
  
"Elrond is suggesting WE join the Fellowship." Brad said.  
  
"EXCUSE me?" Tyler said. "I've heard of tenth member fics, but not THIRTEEN!"  
  
"Anyway, didn't Bilbo go with the dwarves to AVOID having thirteen members in The Hobbit?" Chris pointed out from his minimal height.  
  
"I think they're all so eager to get rid of the girls that they don't care." Brad said. Elrond was nodding in the background.  
  
"This is getting out of hand." Cameron said. "We just wanted to get our girls back.not go trekking along with the Fellowship!"  
  
"But if that's the only way TO get them back." Tyler mused. "Well, I'm going to go. I want to find Leia- I don't want to even imagine her lusting after any of them." he twitched an eye in the direction of Legolas, then Frodo.  
  
"Areyou coming, Cameron?" Brad said.  
  
"What about YOU?"  
  
"I'm going! How many people get to journey with the Fellowship of the Ring?"  
  
"I'm guessing not to many." Cameron said. "Fine, okay, all right. I'll go. Maybe just to see if they'll throw a spaz about having thirteen. "  
  
"Well, after Boromir-" Chris began, but Brad pummeled him.  
  
"You can't mention that!" he said forcefully, then "Are you coming?"  
  
"I guess.if only for the reason of later extracting horrible revengeful DOOM on you, Cameron." Chris said.  
  
"Are you STILL on about the Hobbit thing?" Cameron muttered. Chris grumbled inaudibly, which was probably for the best.  
  
Brad turned to look at Elrond.  
  
"I guess we're all coming." He said.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
All right, this was a major cheater chapter. Really SHORT! GAHH! Hopefully I'll update within the week, and it will be longer. MUCH longer, since this was such a short spooty cheat. 


	6. Enter the Leiagorna

YES! Finally, a LONG, non-spooty-cheat chapter! Whooo!   
I have fans! *beams* I LOVE ALL YOU REVIEWERS! YAY! Big huggles all around!  
BTW, the guys and their respective gal pal's names are as follows.... Tyler/Leia, Cameron/Jenna, Chris/Katie, Brad/Ashley. Just so no one is confuzzed! ^_^  
(And beware, I started using actual DESCRIPTIONS. *gasp* Be afraid.)  
  
  
THE GREAT GUY REBELLION OF MIDDLE-EARTH!! (The title I still really hate and might be changing ^_^)  
  
"You great, great FEEB." Cameron muttered to Brad. "Tell me again why I agreed to this."  
  
The Fellowship was setting off from Rivendell. The two boys were walking in between Sam, who was leading Bill, and Aragorn, who was walking last. Tyler and Chris were walking behind Gandalf, up in the front. Behind them they could see the house of Elrond nestled into the fertile valley.  
  
"Because you want to get Jenna back, don't you?" Brad said.  
  
"Sure. But we KNOW what happens during the Quest. What if we DIE or something? I mean, its possible. Boromir…" Cameron cast a look ahead at the Steward of Gondor, who luckily wasn't paying attention.  
  
"I have no idea." Brad said. "But, we did come here, and we did plan to do something. Maybe going along with the Fellowship wasn't what we had in mind, but still…"  
  
"Okay, fine. But Jenna supposedly came here two weeks ago. Where is she? Floating in limbo?"  
  
"How should I know? We'll run into her I bet, and probably run into a LOT of other girls too."  
  
"What do we do with them?"  
  
"Beat them to death with Legolas's bow." Brad said. When Cameron gave him a weird look, he laughed. "All right, I was kidding. We pry them AWAY from Legolas with his bow. Or away from Aragorn. Or Frodo. Or Pippin. Or Merry. Or-"  
  
"Okay, I've got the point." Cameron said. "Whoever cast this movie should be shot. This whole thing is THEIR fault."  
  
"Agreed. But the only thing we can do for now is tag along with these guys, and try and restrain any Mary-Sues we come across."  
  
"Aren't they often Elves, or other Middle-Earthian type things?" Cameron asked.  
  
"Yeah, but that's not a problem."  
  
Instead of asking how exactly being overrun by the girliest of girly girls to ever exist, Cameron instead smacked into Bill the pony, who had stopped, along with Sam.  
  
"Hey, what's the big idea?" Cameron growled in annoyance. Sam pointed up ahead, to where the rest of the Fellowship had stopped as well.  
  
Cameron and Brad muscled their way to the front, joining up with Chris and Tyler. Instantly, they saw 'what'.  
  
There was a girl, laying at the foot of a tree. Her dark hair was tousled and her earth-tone clothes were rumpled. Her eyes were closed and she was either asleep or unconscious.  
  
"Aw, heck." Cameron said. "It's one of _them_… isn't it?"  
  
"Oh yeah." Tyler said. "Girl-Dropped-In-Middle-Earth numero uno, now being served."  
  
"With a side of fries." Chris added.  
  
"STOP!" Brad suddenly bellowed, and the other three boys jerked in surprise. As did Frodo, who had taken a few steps out of the assembled Fellowship towards the girl. He turned his unnaturally blue eyes on them.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked, blinking and staring at Brad. "I just wanted to see if she was injured."  
  
"Big-ass Mistake Number One, buddy." Tyler said. "Never assist the unconscious damsel."  
  
"What?" Frodo asked. "You mean to say….we should just leave her there?"  
  
"Unless you want her tagging along and snogging one of you like there's no tomorrow." Chris said.  
  
"Snogging?" Frodo said with a blank look.   
  
"Uh…never mind." Chris said hastily. "Just, don't touch her. Just leave her."  
  
"That doesn't seem like a very kind thing to do." Merry spoke up.  
  
"Oh man." Brad said. "These guys are in the DARK. Haven't you ever encountered these girls BEFORE?"  
  
"A few…." Aragorn said. "But they come and go so rapidly that nothing ever comes of it. Mostly, they traveled in packs around Rivendell and giggled at things." The ranger looked fairly disgusted at this. "We've heard terrible things about them…but have only encountered few. And never outside the safety of Rivendell."  
  
"Then you'll just have to listen to us." Brad said. "We'll be finding a lot of unconscious girls laying randomly around. It's their favorite way to get discovered by the Fellowship."  
  
"And we should ignore them? Will they be all right?" Frodo asked.  
  
"Definitely. Once you pass them by, they'll probably give up and go home. Or they'll find some other poor hapless guy to glomp onto."  
  
Again, the boys got a look that clearly said 'what is GLOMP?' They decided to not even take the time to explain.  
  
"Let's move ahead." Gandalf said, finally speaking up. The rest of the Fellowship nodded emphatically, and they resumed traveling.  
  
"I can't believe it…we can still SEE Rivendell." Tyler said to Brad. All the boys were now walking together in a group, behind Gandalf. "I thought it was Moria, and the deep, deep, deep, deep woods that girls usually liked being unconscious in."  
  
"Guess not." Brad shrugged. As it turned out, they passed two more girls before they were out of sight of Rivendell, both of them unconscious against trees as well.  
  
"This is going to get annoying….very, VERY quickly." Chris said.   
  
"And even more so when we find girls who are actually alive to the world." Tyler said. "I can't imagine all of them will be sleeping."  
  
"No, we couldn't possibly be THAT lucky." Cameron said. "Let's hope those three was all for today."  
  
It nearly was. The Fellowship ran into no more unconscious females, and set up camp in the forest as night approached. Aragorn was drafted for retrieving firewood. As all agreed it was probably unsafe for any Fellowship member to wander into possible Mary-Sue infested forests, Tyler and Cameron volunteered to go along.   
  
"You know, all this camping out in the great outdoors stuff? Sleeping under the stars, getting back to nature kind of thing?" Cameron asked as he and Tyler plodded along behind Aragorn.  
  
"Yeah?" Tyler said.  
  
"It kinda bites."  
  
"Hear hear." Tyler agreed.  
  
The two boys and the ranger were moving into the forest, scouting for dry wood. Tyler and Cameron were just picking up any old random pieces of wood, but stopped quickly when they saw Aragorn actually looking for good sticks. After that they were more careful.  
  
They had made their way into a rather small clearing, some few hundred feet from the rest of the Fellowship. The forest was slowly becoming darker as the sun set, and the trunks of the trees were bathed a dusky orange.  
  
"AEEEIEIEEEEEEEE!!!!!" The sudden primal war-cry echoed through the still woods as a blurred shape came suddenly barreling down from the high treetops, smashing into Tyler and knocking him into a dry stream bed.  
  
Cameron and Aragorn could only stand in stunned amazement as the figure dropped to the ground, a few feet from the prone Tyler. It was a girl, with dark hair tied loosely behind her head. She wore a dark tunic, breeches and boots, and a wide belt which held a sheathed sword. Within seconds of landing in the clearing, she had drawn the sword and held it to Tyler's throat.  
  
"LEIA!" Tyler bellowed from the ground. "You great FEEB! What are you DOING?"  
  
Leia was Tyler's girlfriend, in the days of old when Middle-Earth-Suckification did not exist. Now she appeared to be some sort of rugged, outdoorsy version of Aragorn.  
  
"I'm not Leia! I am KICK-ASS LEIAGORNA!" Leia shouted elatedly. Her winter-blue eyes flashed as she gave Tyler a little prod with the sword. "BOW to me!"  
  
"Seeing as I'm flat on my back, it might be hard to accomplish that feat." Tyler said, crossing his arms. "Let me UP."   
  
Eyeing him suspiciously, Leia backed away enough for Tyler to scramble up and begin brushing the dead leaves off him. Then, he stared at her, assessing her clothing and trying to figure out what in hell she was.  
  
"Cameron, can you figure out what she's supposed to be?" Tyler finally asked.  
  
"Um…some sort of Aztec Fem-Warrior?" Cameron suggested. Leia turned to look at the source of the voice, and her eyes alighted on Aragorn. Instantly she froze up, her blue eyes nearly visibly becoming little hearts.  
  
"Aragorn, you've got a new fan." Cameron said, chortling. Aragorn's eye twitched as he glared at him.  
  
"I'd rather not have one." He said in annoyance. "Why me?"  
  
"All right, should we get back to the group?" Tyler suggested, ignoring Aragorn's lament and retrieving his armful of firewood from the dry stream-bed as he spoke.  
  
"What about Leia over here?" Cameron asked.  
  
"Well, we want her to come with us….and she'll probably follow wherever Aragorn goes. " Tyler said, and indeed it was so. When Aragorn began walking, Leia began moving forward as well. "Well, at least we found ONE of ours."  
  
"I thought it was required for females to draw some type of weapon on Aragorn before falling for him." Cameron mused.  
  
"That's only movie-verse." Tyler said. "Consider the fact that Arwen didn't even SPEAK in the books."  
  
"How do YOU know THAT?" Cameron asked.  
  
"Brad, the Bookish Wonder told me. Hey, I had nothing else to do but listen to his Middle-Earth prattle. I figured I might as well listen and learn something." Tyler said in defense.  
  
"Why is that….abnormality following us?" Aragorn asked suddenly, suspiciously eyeing Leia, who was nearly hovering after them.  
  
"She's magnetized to your ass." Cameron said helpfully, and after bursting into laughter, Tyler whalloped him.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Yes! NO cheater chapter! Whooo-hooo! *finally guilt has gone*  
  
Now that LEIAGORNA has appeared, WHAT will the Fellowship think? And will the boys be able to keep her from leeching onto Aragorn? Ooooh, suspense that isn't! Tune in when I get my lazy self into gear for the next chapter! 


	7. Bad SciFi References and Mothballs, the ...

YAY! It's been almost FIVE MONTHS, but this is now UPDATED! Two new CHARACTERS, even though the more serious part is not up yet as I said it would be. Yes, /seriousness/. I'm going to attempt it. *gasp* Yup. Enjoy this part, it is filled with bad sci-fi references and sarcasticness galore. So fun to once again write these guys.  
Now, the newly titled...  
MEN ON A MIDDLE-EARTHIAN MISSION  
"What is THAT?" Chris demanded the instant Aragorn, Tyler and Cameron rejoined the Fellowship, Leia trailing along behind.  
  
"Uh….Leia? Maybe," Cameron suggested. "We're not quite sure, really. She might be a Pod Person."  
  
"I'm Leiagorna!" Leia announced loudly, seeming to suddenly arise from her Aragorn-induced stupor. She drew her sword again and waved it about.  
  
Frodo favored her with his infamous deer-in-the-headlights look, appearing rather disturbed.  
  
"Is she one of the ones you are searching for?" Gandalf inquired, leaning on his staff.  
  
"I suppose," Tyler said. "She was my...uh….girlfriend. But she was never quite this….rugged or outdoorsy."  
  
"You mean Mary-Sue-ish," Brad said. "What's betting she's a better archer than Legolas and a better swordsman than Aragorn?"  
  
"No bets," Chris said, as both Aragorn and Legolas looked rather insulted.  
  
"Mary-Sue? I am no Mary-Sue!" The newly self-christened Leiagorna cried in outrage. "I am but a poor orphan, struggling to survive through the upheavals of this tormented world, journeying from land to land, never to know a place to call 'home'…"  
  
"Oh, cut out the melodramatic crap," Tyler snapped, finally fed up. He jerked his thumb at Leia. "She is amazingly obnoxious when she's like this."  
  
"You mean….a Mary-Sue," Brad reiterated.  
  
"I am NO Mary-Sue!" Leiagorna said, eyes blazing. "I only wish to accompany you on your quest."  
  
"Ah! Now the motive becomes CLEAR!" Chris said exasperatedly, throwing up his hands. "You come on the quest….then you ram your ovipositor down our throats and lay your eggs in our chests…BUT you're not an Mary-Sue!"  
  
"Alien! The line is ALIEN," Tyler said. "And anyway, I was of the opinion that Mary-Sues were devoid of ovipositors."  
  
"Whatever. She's still 100% evil with 1/8 the brainpower."  
  
"Sounds like Mini-me."  
  
"Would you knock it off with the bad sci-fi references?" Cameron bellowed, annoyed. "She HAS to come along, or we'll never be able to bring her back with us. She'll go roaming off into the wilds, I expect."  
  
"I'm not so sure I want her back. What are the odds she'll sever our heads in the night?"  
  
"Fairly low. She might accidentally kill Aragorn instead of you and THEN who would she have to snog?"  
  
"Aragorn?" Frodo questioned, turning to look at the tall Ranger. He glowered and glared daggers at Leiagorna.  
  
"She's got to come." Cameron restated.  
  
"Fine. Can't we at least tie her up, or something?" Tyler asked. "She's already knocked me over once today."  
  
"Sleep in a tree," Chris suggested.  
  
"Ah hah. Ah hah. I'll put YOU up in a tree, you Hobbit."  
  
Chris spazed and Cameron grabbed the back of his shirt.  
  
"Stop provoking the Lilliputian." Cameron told Tyler, and Chris tried to turn on him instead.  
  
"Stop making fun of me! It's YOUR fault, anyway. I still can't believe you made me a HOBBIT," Chris growled as Cameron held him easily at arms length.  
  
"I still can't believe you're not over it. You're a Hobbit for now, deal with it."  
  
A small scuffle diverted their attention. Leia had randomly jumped Tyler and had him pinned to the ground, his arms twisted behind his back. She sat on his back, looking rather triumphant as Tyler tried to not breath leaves.  
  
"LEIA!" Tyler shouted into the ground. "Let me UP!"  
  
"She attacked him…again," Cameron observed. He took Chris by the shoulders and turned him to face Leia. "Go sic 'em," he said, letting go.  
  
"Funny," Chris said. "I suggest you take Tyler's suggestion. Tie the wacko up."  
  
Twenty minutes and a few minor injuries later, Leia was tied to a tree. She did not look happy.  
  
"That's what you get for ambushing me." Tyler said, rubbing his temple where Leia had repeatedly struck it. "Don't do it and we won't tie you up again!"  
  
Leia glowered at him but kept silent. The Fellowship, who had stayed out of the lassoing of Leia, watched with bemused interest.  
  
"Oh yeah, making progress NOW," Tyler said, rubbing his arm where Leigorna had repeatedly socked him. "Uh, why don't we…make camp, or…something."  
  
Before that suggestion could be acted up or even reacted to, Legolas suddenly started.  
  
"There is someone near," he said, the first time he had spoken since the council. "Someone watching us."  
  
"What is it, Legolas?" Aragorn asked. Legolas was frowning, listening.  
  
"I cannot quite tell. It is…I think perhaps it is someone trying to sing. They are doing very poorly."  
  
Cameron nudged Brad. "What's the odds this is another gal?" he whispered.  
  
"Very, very large," Brad replied. "Question; one of ours or just a random one?"  
  
The question was answered soon enough. A sudden flitting of soft blue and pale gold appeared between the dark tree trunks of the forest. The fellowship, plus their four new male members and the irritable Leia, all watched silently.  
  
A tall girl emerged from the trees, a long sky-blue tress floating around her, trailing down to her feet. Her long golden hair flowed in waving sheets to her waist. And she was singing- /very/ badly. She smiled gently as she approached.  
  
"Oh good God, it's Jenna!" Cameron suddenly exclaimed. "She can't sing at /all/. And what is up with her hair?"  
  
"Greetings, fair maiden," Gandalf said at once. "On behalf of the Fellowship I welcome you. May I ask your name, and what you are doing in these woods?"  
  
"Ah, Gandalf succumbing, Gandalf succumbing!" Brad yelled. "Cameron, she's /your/ girlfriend, DO something about her!"  
  
"Saving the Fellowship, one member at a time," Cameron muttered, and pushed ahead of Gandalf to stand in front of Jenna the newly tall and newly blonde. Up close, he could see her ears. Pointed.  
  
"Aw damn. You're an Elf," he complained, looking up at her. "….and about two feet taller."  
  
"Of course I am an Elf," Jenna smiled sweetly. She said nothing else. Cameron waved his hand in front of her face.  
  
"Hello? Anyone /home/?" he asked. Jenna blinked and then resumed smiling at him.  
  
"Where'd her brain go?" Chris asked tactlessly.   
  
"She has none; she's become VACANT EYE CANDY!" Cameron , who was now shaking Jenna by the shoulders, bellowed. Jenna's lower lip pooched out and her wide multi-colored eyes got even wider.  
  
"Legolas!" she suddenly cried. "Save me…"  
  
"Oh, for Heaven's SAKE…" Cameron muttered, glaring in annoyance at Jenna. He turned back to look at Legolas, who had a very odd expression on his face.  
  
"Legolasss…" Jenna wailed slightly, edging away from Cameron, towards the hapless Elven archer.  
  
"Arg! ….strange…force…trying…to…make…me…go…to….her…." Legolas said, twitching back and forth in place. "Feel….need…to….ogle…and….protect…" He suddenly tried to leap forward, and at the same time tried to jump backwards, resulting in a rather un-graceful pivoting motion.  
  
"Snap out of it, man!" Brad said, turning Cameron's shoulder-shaking technique to Legolas. Legolas shook his head, seeming to snap back to himself.  
  
"Thank you," he said, blinking. "That was….disturbing."  
  
"Tell me about it," Tyler said, now walking around Jenna and looking at her. "I think she now has the same I.Q. as a wooden beam."  
  
"Hey-" Cameron began to object, then reconsidered. "Yeah, probably."  
  
Jenna continued to stand, twirling a lock of blindingly gold hair around her finger, and gazing adoringly at Legolas, who was shielding his eyes.   
  
"Someone take her away!" the poor Elf said.  
  
"Jenna, quit it," Cameron said nonchalantly.   
  
"Are you addressing me?" Jenna asked. "For my name is Cárnëánnâillíon! Please call me by it."  
  
"Carne-whatywhoosis?" Cameron asked, blinking.  
  
"Cárnëánnâillíon!" Jenna insisted.   
  
"Riiight," Cameron said. "Anyway Carne-idon'tcare, stop tormenting Legolas."  
  
Jenna only fluttered her amazing ten-pound eyelashes and Legolas twitched violently.   
  
Leia was eyeing her with amusement.  
  
"What a weak thing," She said. "Where *I* grew up, we had to walk fifteen miles to get anywhere, in the snow, and uphill both ways! You couldn't depend on the males, you had to do it all for yourself! We could use every weapon and use it WELL!"  
  
"She talks like my grandmother," Tyler muttered. "Leia, you grew up in small town America, and it doesn't even SNOW where we live! Honestly…"  
  
"And when have you ever used any weapon, excepting a fingernail file?" Cameron asked.  
  
"Come on guys, she's a Mary-Sue," Brad said. "She's made up her own tragic and angsty past where her parents were killed by Orcs and she was orphaned at age three with a brother who was later killed by roadside thieves."  
  
"Don't mock my life!" Leia bellowed, and threw a boot at Brad, who ducked.  
  
"Wow," Tyler said. "I guess you were right, Brad."  
  
"Well, at least she's handy with blunt household objects." Chris observed. "Maybe she can fling fleecy cardigans at the Orcs."  
  
"Only if mothballs are Orc's bane," Brad muttered. Well, he thought to himself. They had two of them now; and two left to go. Now all they had to do was /survive/ through it all.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hey, some substance that time! Yes, now there is LEIAGORNA and the girl with far too many accents and oublats! YEE! NExt up....traveling with them, in the Fellowship of fifteen. Boo-yah. 


	8. Apples, Wrathful Poking and Shrinking Bo...

NOTESES!  
Explanation/pondering/vague idea of where this story is headed:  
--First of all, it will go into TTT, and probably into RoTK. And the Mary-Sues will not be present the whole time. That would get rawther annoying to write, seeing as there are going to be two /more/. I know how to solve their little problem, but they will not go away until the end of LotR and possibly the beginning of TTT.  
--Second of all, seeing as these four guys disappeared into Middle-Earth mid-trilogy, they have no idea what happens in TTT, except for 'Brad', the only one who has read the books. THAT should be interesting. Muah.  
  
Story starts....now!  
.  
.  
.  
.  
MEN ON A MIDDLE-EARTHIAN MISSION: Chapter Eight  
  
"Tyler."  
  
"Yee-uh?"  
  
"Is an apple a socially accepted method of suicide?"  
  
"Only in the most Disney-ish sense," Tyler replied, hastily snatching said fruit from Cameron's hand, where he had been glaring rather angrily at it for the past few minutes. It was the next morning, the Fellowship was on the move again, walking along through the forests surrounding Imladris; home of the elves, many interesting furry animals, and the illustrious Mary Sue.  
  
"Then will you take that big stick over there and hit me with it a half a dozen times?" Cameron requested blandly. "I'd probably be unconscious after the first hit, but…"  
  
"You just want to make extra doubly sure?"  
  
Cameron glanced at him. "Actually, I am in doubt of the strength of your puny deltoid muscles."  
  
"I could take major offense at that, but instead I'll just remind you that at least we haven't run into any /more/ Mary-Sues today. There is no need for a state of unconsciousness."  
  
"No need...YET. It's only ELEVEN. In the MORNING," Cameron grumbled. "And what we've got is making up in intensity what it lacks in numbers."  
  
He pointed up ahead of them for emphasis. Jenna, a.k.a. Cárnëánnâillíon, was walking so close to Legolas that she periodically trod on the back of his boots. This in turn caused him to edge away from her, closer to Aragorn, who was being flanked by Leia. And since wherever Legolas went, Jenna followed; this inevitably ended her up closer to Leia. And while both girls had been good friends back on normal Earth, here they seemed to be mortal enemies…and the combination was deadly. Contact between them often led to all out, no-holds-barred, brutal and uncouth name-calling, and sometimes violent and uncivilized poking.   
  
Aragorn and Legolas were holding up splendidly under all this, although Tyler had seen Aragorn tapping the handle of Andúril tensely, and Legolas had on occasion taken an arrow from his quiver and examined the tip longingly, as though there was no other place he would rather see it embedded than in say…Jenna's mid-brain. By way of her mid-forehead.  
  
"I could just cry," Cameron said simply, "out of sheer humiliation. This is worse than that one time at your nineth birthday when my parents decided it would be great fun to-"  
  
"Yes, yes, no need to go into sordid details," Tyler said hastily, well aware that at least four members of their party were well within earshot.  
  
"Oh no, do tell. I seem to have forgotten /this/ story," said a sudden voice from Tyler's elbow.  
  
Tyler upped the number of Fellowship members in earshot to five.  
  
"Hallo, Chris," he said tiredly. "And no, Cameron, you will NOT tell him the story. Not unless you want to be wearing your own skin as a stylish new hat."  
  
"Ouch," Cameron said, and hastily moved away to join Brad, walking a few feet up ahead with Sam, and Frodo, who he seemed to have gotten on good terms with.  
  
"You know, being a Hobbit isn't so bad, after all," Chris said wryly. "You can be walking right along next to someone and they are apt to completely forget you are there. Unless you chomp on their elbow of course."  
  
"Should I be walking along with my arms in the air?"  
  
"And perhaps waving them like you just don't care," Chris suggested. "but in all seriousness, Cameron /is/ right. This is awful."  
  
"Oh, you mean Hippolyte and Meat up there?"  
  
"Who and WHO?" Chris boggled.  
  
"Hippolyte- leader of the Amazon women in Greek mythology. The men did the cooking and the child-rearing and all other womanly stuff, and the woman were the incredibly fierce fighters. Sound like Leia much?"  
  
"Oh yeah," Chris nodded. "And I'd like to invite Brad to dis-posses Tyler's body now."  
  
"Hey," Tyler objected. "Brad is not the ONLY one who reads around here. And is dis-posses a word?"  
  
"It is now. And why in the world did you call Jenna 'Meat'?"  
  
"Because her new name is bizarre and long, and Cameron has shortened it to Carne-idon'tcare or even just Carne. And that means meat in Spanish."  
  
"Meat," Chris laughed. "With a side of Legolas."  
  
"Now that mental image was very was uncalled for."  
  
"Sorry. That should have been 'with a leg-of-lamb.'"  
  
***  
  
A few feet ahead, Brad heard something that sounded much like someone getting punched rather hard, and wisely decided to ignore it.  
  
"So. Frodo," Cameron, who was walking besides him, said. "Glad you don't have any lusters yet?"  
  
"You mean….them?" the Hobbit asked, pointing to Leia and Jenna, now engaged in a aggressive poking war. "I find them unnatural, rather frightening, and on the whole am glad I have none trodding on my feet." He said, as Jenna again stepped on Legolas's boot.  
  
"Yeah, that might hurt," Cameron observed, glancing down at the Ringbearer's bare Hobbit-feet. "I'm sure those definitely aren't prosthetic."  
  
"Pros…what?" Frodo blinked. "Does he /ever/ make sense?" This last question was directed at Brad.  
  
"Well, there was one time back in the mid-nineties...wait, no, that was something else entirely. I guess he never makes sense," Brad said, nimbly evading Cameron's blatant attempt to trip him.  
  
"I can make sense about /something/," Cameron said. "Like how about this; how is this journeying movie/book time-compression thing going to work?"  
  
"That did NOT make s-" Brad began, before he got it. "Um," he said intelligently, and then because he had nothing else to say, he added, "er."  
  
"Right, because as you said it, it takes the Fellowship about twenty or so days to get to /Moria/. In the movie as I /saw/ it, it was about twenty seconds. Not including the little Caradhas segue. Which, as I may point out, was not all that succesful."  
  
"Wow, you get points on that for both logic AND remembering the name of what, if I remember correctly, you used to call 'the mountain with helluva snow.'"  
  
"Oh shut up," Cameron said with dignity, and then noticed that both Frodo and Sam were goggling at them.  
  
"Erm...you didn't hear any of that," he said, and Sam blinked.  
  
"Of course we did, begging your pardon," he said. "We were right beside you the whole time, and-"  
  
"Sam," Frodo interrupted. "I think he meant we should /forget/ we heard any of that."  
  
"Aaaah," Sam said immeadiatly. "Right, Mister Frodo. Forgotten."  
  
"I think our conversation is better carried out about six feet up this way," Brad said, pulling Cameron by his shirt sleeve. "And you do have a good point, about the traveling I mean. Because after the Council of Elrond, the Fellowship stayed in Rivendell for about two months. And we were not there two months."  
  
"Felt more like six seconds," Cameron noted. "I guess we'll just have to see what happens."  
  
"Unless..."  
  
"Unless /what/? I don't like you when you say 'unless' like that," Cameron said worriedly.  
  
"Unless something about time compression between the book and movie is specified in that /other/ book that fell on your head a while ago. You know," Brad said, "with all those crazy portals."  
  
"Oh right," Cameron said, scratching his neck uncomfortably. "Well, actually, about that book..."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I ate it."  
  
"You did NOT. Where is it?"  
  
"All right, fine, I gave it to Tyler."  
  
"Okay, much better. And he did what with it?"  
  
"How should I know? Maybe he shoved it up his-"  
  
"TYLER!" Brad hollered quickly, turning around. Tyler, who was using Merry and Pippin as living shields to keep Chris away from him, glanced up.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"What did you do with that yellow book we got?"  
  
"I've got it," Tyler replied, eyeing Chris warily.  
  
"Exactly /where/?" Cameron put in. "You don't have a pack or anything. Unless you really DID shove-"  
  
"You are just begging for a slow, painful maiming," Brad muttered after pushing Cameron off the path. "Okay Tyler, where is it?"  
  
"In my pocket," Tyler replied. "Because, for some strange, unexplained reason, it shrinks."  
  
"Oh the jokes I could make," Cameron muttered evily, climbing out of the bush where Brad had pushed him.  
  
"Chris, leave Tyler alone so we can look at his book," Brad said. "Cameron, not a WORD."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Okay, nothing really happened in this chapter, except I found out it's way too much fun to write these guys. Whee.  
Anyway, next chapter, things will HAPPEN! YAY! Like they'll get to Moria!   
Oh yeah, and I tried to write a little more of the actual Fellowship characters in this one (actions, talking, etc.), and hopefully LOTS more in the next one. Because this is LORD OF THE RINGS category! Nyahhgg.  
And yes, there were no new Mary-Sues in this chapter...but there will be. MUAHAHAHAHA. *cough* Er...yes.  
And this would have been up a few days ago, but firstly I got sick, and then I did modeling, and then someone's birthday absorbed my life. So....I do have excuses! Lame though they are. 


End file.
